85.64mi in 20m58s

I went walking yesterday for the first time in a long time. I was so excited to be able to post my picture of my walk. Unfortunately, my phone is defective and it teamed up with Endomondo to create some outrageous work out that was physically impossible – 85.64mi in 20m 58s at anywhere between 2 and 10mi/hr. (lol) Yeah, I’m just that good.

Today though they got along just fine without conspiring against me. So I am able to bring you my work-out!

Rob and I went to the local Farmers’ Market for some fruit and then we just walked because I was in the mood to look around. Although I didn’t get to do any shopping. Anyway, that’s why my path repeats itself and goes in odd wiggles.

Distance: 0.91mi
Time: 39m 18s

Farmers’ Market Work-out M 9.20.2010

This is where I have the best of intentions. Only to watch them go up in smoke. Here, in my D³ I set myself up to fail. I find myself surrounded by my weaknesses sometimes through no fault of my own. And I have little to absolutely no will power.

Rob went grocery shopping last night. He came home with a big box of Fudge Rounds, which I don’t even really care for but I’ve been such an emotional mess that all I seem to see is chocolate. Along with the Fudge Rounds he brought home these Grasshopper Ice Cream Sandwiches, which taste like Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies in an ice cream sandwich. They are so good!!! Then he also brought home a big box of Little Debbie Star Crunch treats, which I really don’t care for and so far I’ve been able to avoid. I know that once my Fudge Rounds and Grasshopper Ice Cream Sandwiches are gone I will turn to the Star Crunch treats for comfort.

I paid attention this morning as I ate 3 Grasshopper Ice Cream Sandwiches in about 20 minutes (!!!) to how I felt as I tried to cure my emotional pain and suffering with food. It felt good! I had a warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach and for those five minutes while I was eating those ice cream sandwiches or Fudge Rounds, I felt like everything was okay. Even if things weren’t OK, they would be eventually and that was good enough. I felt like I could make through the disaster that my life has become without suffering too many casualties. It’s killing me! I wish I could just not eat when I’m stressed out or feeling over whelmed. I wish I had the will power to do something else to cope.

On the bright side, as soon as we are in a financial position to make it happen Rob and I have decided that I can join Weight Watchers! Yippee!!!!! Weight Watchers appeals to me for a multitude of reasons. One, I get to have the extra support from my sista, Trisha. She’s a veteran Weight Watchers participant so she can also help me with the program. She and I haven’t had the benefit of the past 30 years of growing up together so I love anything that allows me spend more time with her. Then there are the matters of the stickers at certain weigh-ins and the meetings. With my adult ADHD, I need something that is going to give me instant gratification and whatnot. Trish said that at certain weigh-ins – like 5lb lost or 5% of my goal etc. – they give you stickers, which will be important for me.

Way back, when I quit smoking five or six years-ago, I finally managed to make it stick by setting up a “Me Specific” goal. Rob and I agreed that every week I went without smoking a cigarette I was allowed to go to the dollar store of my choice and purchase a $1 journal. (Back then I kept pen and paper journals, just to give you an idea of how long it’s been since I quit smoking since I’ve been blogging steadily for 5 years and off-and-on for the past 6-7 years). That way during the week, it was my incentive not to smoke and I had to stop and think, “Do I want that cigarette or a new journal more?” It was a bit unconventional but it worked out well for me. My hope is that Weight Watchers will be my next “new journals” and I will be able to find the resolve to stick with the program.

Gavin, my 10 year-old Autistic and Bipolar son, has been in the Cleveland Clinic for a neurological work-up and now he’s in Akron Children’s Hospital Psych-ward for a psych-hold because of meltdowns and his current manic mood. So I have been beyond stressed out lately. I want to find a better and different way to deal with my stress right now but I just can’t seem to force myself to turn away from food. I have managed to shift my focus from the total junks foods, which have basically no nutritional value, to some healthier foods. The problem with the healthier foods is that some of them taste so good that I eat far more than I should; thereby ruining any benefit they had for me in the first place.

My Achilles heal are fountain pop (because it tastes much better) and ice cream sandwiches/ice cream candy bars. When I’m super stressed carrying a Polar Pop around with me or sneaking into the kitchen to nip an ice cream sandwich/candy bar out of the freezer and wolf it down before anyone notices I’m missing is just very very comforting. Once I actually ate 2 packs of Klondike Bars (that’s 12 total) in the span of like 2-3 days, by myself.

I’ve always had such a high metabolism that I was able to eat what I wanted, when I wanted and nothing ever stuck to me. Or if it did stick, it stuck to my breasts first and my everywhere else never, which was the best of both worlds because it gave me a little cushion up top. (lol) I miss those days of high metabolism. Now I’ve got a normal metabolism, which seems to ebb and flow like the tides. Some days everything I eat sticks. Other days I could eat nothing but fast food and still nothing sticks.

I hate exercise. It’s dull. It hurts. And it makes me sweat! I hate sweating. (See, whiny post. lol) I’ve been walking more. Taking the stairs instead of the elevator. That sort of thing. Rob also gave me a Sportline Total Fitness pedometer for my 30th birthday, which I love! My daily goal is 5,000 steps starting out. I try to reach my goal everyday but at the very least I try to walk more steps than I did the day before. So far, I’m doing pretty good. Although I’m struggling to reach my 5,000 steps a day. My new goal/plan is to walk every morning with Rob, the Boys and Maggie. Then I want to take another walk in the evening with my sister, Trisha.

If nothing else, that should help me reach my goal of 5,000 steps/day.

That’s how long ago and how hard I’ve fallen off my wagon. (lol) I’ve been living on that list of things in my previous post. I could say it’s because things have been stressful or my depression or “I didn’t want it all to go to waste.” And while all of those things are true to one degree or another, I fell off because I made the decision to fall throw myself from the wagon.

A large part of my problem with the diet changes I need and want to instill are the Boys. They need a diet over-haul as much as I do; not to lose weight but to simply eat healthier. However, they aren’t going to understand or like the changes. I don’t want to keep living like we run a cafeteria every meal – fixing different things for Rob and I than them. So I need to find a way to change everyone’s diet without continuing the Cafeteria Lifestyle but while taking into account the different dietary needs. And without adding more stress to my already seriously stressful life because that will just be setting myself up to fail.

I need to find a good, FREE (no money in our budget for places like Weight Watchers etc), tried and true method to plan our meals and make the changes to our diet.

If anyone happens to know one, please share it with me. Please! =)

My vices are pop, chocolate, baked goods and chips. Oh, and fast food! Fast food and pop are probably tied for 1st with chocolate coming in at a very close 2nd.

I so desperately want to make this Life Style Change! I know I’m not going to like it at first but it’s what’s best for me. It might even help my pain and migraines and whatnot. But I’m setting myself up for failure!

I’m depressed. I’ve been diagnosed as clinically depressed when I was a teenager and then again as an adult. It’s something I’ve always dealt with. I’m currently on medication for it but with everything we have going on in our lives, eating is a comfort.

I’m depressed again. Okay, so I’m always depressed. This is a drowning depression. It’s getting worse and I don’t know that my medications are working. Which amounts to me only wanting to eat. Not just meals eating. Eating all the time…

√: Breakfast

√:Lunch

√:Dinner

√:Snack

√:Night-time Snack

√:Midnight Snack

√:Finish eating what the Boys don’t eat

√:Snack while I cook for the Boys

My original goal was to officially begin the change on July 1st, which kind of stinks because my birthday is July 18th. But this is too important to put off for another month. Now, with this depression threatening to take me down I just don’t know.

With that said, I’m going to go eat my PaPa Bear’s Pizza Oven Pizza and fried chicken with jo-jo potatoes. Yeah, that’ll help. =(

My name is Lizze. Some of you may know me from my other blog Daily Mommy Survival. Some of you may not. Either way, thanks for stopping by.

Anywho, where was I? Ah yes, I’m Lizze. I’m about to turn 30 in a few weeks. I’ve been married to my darling husband for almost 7 years but we’ve been together for 9 years. We have 3 wonderful boys ages 10, 4 and 2. A dog and 3 cats.

I have Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue and possibly Narcolepsy (they are still trying to figure that one out). I also have chronic migraine headaches, which require Depakote to attempt to prevent. The best part about the Depakote is the fact that it causes me to gain weight. (That was sarcasm, by the way. I tend to be very sarcastic. lol)

Between the Depakote, left over baggage from 3 pregnancies – 2 of them on complete bed rest – and my complete lack of physical activity…I still look pregnant! This is unacceptable. So I started this blog to track my journey to a healthier, skinny me. =)